Spirals of Light: Winter Advent Spiral and Solstice

SPIRALS OF LIGHT:

WINTER ADVENT SPIRAL AND SOLSTICE

Advent is a time to celebrate the light and new life within the earth, in us and each other in this time of darkness. During the ceremony of an advent spiral, we come together in the mood of wonder and quiet confidence and bring the light from within us to share with one another in the deep stillness. As Steiner describes it:

"nature sinks into the earth at winter and at night...the human soul must be turning in its inner core that is to say in its inner self to find in it even greater cosmic force that will enable it to renew itself; this force is the force of the universe."

We watch as each child, supported by our intention, follows the spiral with the plants, crystals, like sparkling stars, animals and humans that support her/ him on their inner journey to light through an experience that is beyond words.

"In the advent garden dark the night below
Earth is waiting, waiting, waiting for the stars to glow."

There are four weeks of advent, each week representing a different kingdom of the earth and honoured by us with the spiral of life:

"The first light of advent is the light of stones; the light of crystals, sea shells and bones
The second light of advent is the light of plants; plants that reach up to the sun and in the breezes they dance
The third light of advent is the light of beasts; the light of hope we see in the greatest and the least
The fourth light of advent is the light of humankind; the light of love, of thought; to give and understand"

As we approach the solstice, we celebrate the fourth light of humankind and acknowledge each others grace and wisdom; our unique pathways that lead us to ignite our soul.

"May wisdom flow through me, may love glow within me, may strength penetrate me, that in me may arise a helper of mankind, a servant of holy things; selfless and true."

The fourth week is celebrating our love for ourselves and one another. Some ideas to think of for this week:

*Make a conscious effort to speak the truth in love!
*Seek love without judgement- yourself and others
*Encourage someone today
*Be patient toady
*Be hospitable in your home
*Tell someone what you are grateful to them for

And take this time to nourish yourself and your family and enjoy each others company and the effort and love you give one another at this time of year!

As we come to the Winter Solstice we celebrate the return of the sun; the seed of the earth is planted. The shortest day and the longest night. The Goddess gives birth to the sun king, the divine child, who rises again, Like King Arthur awaking from his mountain sleep when his people need him, or as Christians see it, the Son is born again from Mother Mary from God.
The light is ignited and the soul of the earth is born once more.

Fire festivals have always been celebrated at this time of year. Along with the summer solstice, its counterpart, the winter solstice is the oldest celebrated festival. Many ancient structures such as Stone Henge, and NewGrange were built to acknowledge the importance of this festival of light.

We decorate our homes and advent spirals with evergreens in gratitude for nature who will be green again.

So love to you all and may you shine on through the winter in your own perfect ways!

Acknowledging Emotions

Acknowledging Emotions

Inspired by 'Siblings Without Rivalry' Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

 

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget the way you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

Offering something positive when siblings are unhappy with one another, especially for what seems like no rational reason, can bring challenges to the harmony of family life. 

I wanted to offer a few bits of wisdom that I have learnt so far to help with this transition and indeed to help ease all other relationships too. Three things that have been helpful to me are: acknowledgement of feelings, giving children in fantasy what they don't have in reality and helping them use creative expression to release feelings.

Acknowledging feelings

Whatever we may think about how others feel and react is something that we have every right to think, but it is not always helpful or beneficial in easing the relationships between siblings. One of the most healing way of guiding them through these challenges they face is by acknowledging their feelings.

When you train in Humanistic Counselling, you learn that one of the most important part of the session is to show you are listening and empathising by paraphrasing and repeating part of what the client says. They feel listened to and feel they have empathy. Likewise, children generally want the same; to be listened to and empathised with. This is great, because you don't have to agree with them. They might be getting annoyed with their sister because they are just around, but you can create a calmness and a positive response whilst being authentic and helpful.

A common feeling in siblings when a new a baby arrives is that all your time as a mother is spent with them, especially considering the intensely beautiful relationship surrounding nursing. If your child expresses this, it is so easy to say 'but I just spent all morning with you doing....' but no matter how accurate this may seem to you, it is not how they are feeling and this is what needs to be acknowledged. Perhaps saying ' So you feel that I spent too much time with baby....' is giving them that acknowledgement. This way you are putting his/ her feelings into words.

Of course it helps if we are mindful of what we are saying and use our intuition and knowledge of our children; children often have hidden and unknown fears and also say things they don't exactly mean- as we all do. For instance, they may say they 'hate' their sister/ brother but if you repeat this to them it may not be satisfying, and may anger them more. Trying to find a more understanding way of acknowledging their feelings like 'Sometimes he/ she makes you mad and sometimes you enjoy playing with them', or whatever is more accurate, may be more helpful.

Giving children in fantasy what they don't have in reality

Children of different ages play very differently. They have different 'play needs'.

A common argument between siblings can be about property and different styles of play. For instance, the younger child may knock down buildings instead of building them with wooden blocks, etc. and this might upset the older child. It is so easy to want to explain this to the older child, but what they really want is for you to understand 'their' needs. If we say what we think they wish, such as ' you wish they would build instead of knocking down', then they feel as if they are being listened to.

Helping them use creative expression to release feelings

Children are often physical with how they feel. It is important to stop hurtful behaviour and we want to encourage our children to express themselves in positive and helpful ways that still encourage a sense of release. If a child wants to or does physically hurt someone, we can encourage them to use other ways to express their anger: you can tell them that we don't hurt others and then ask them to show their feelings with their doll, ask them to draw a picture of how they feel ( Art therapy is very releasing), or they can be encouraged to write down their feelings in a letter (which may or may not need to be sent) or in a journal.

Bach flower remedies also can work with children, as they work with their emotions on a deep level.

And Lastly...

An obvious note that is worth remembering is that it is good to avoid unfavourable comparisons and better to just describe what you see or feel at that moment and with that child.

Equality- If the younger child complains of having less food, instead of saying ' I gave you the same', you could acknowledge their feelings by saying ' are you still hungry would you like seconds?'

Likewise when your child asks you 'who do you love the best' it is easy to say 'I love you both the same', but you can acknowledge their feelings more when you personalise it, for instance 'I love you because you are thoughtful and bring me my favourite flowers from the garden, and you have a perfect smile that makes my heart fill with joy and there is not another one quite like you'.

Parents don't always have to be 'right', a wise and powerful parent can accept when their children offer them glimpses of knowledge and shows gratitude for it. Sometimes children are best left to work their relationship through themselves, with a close ear from you.

We all have times when we wish we could have handled things better, but it's worth remembering that there have probably been many more times when we have handled things wonderfully! And we grow ourselves through our mistakes and triumphs.

Love and Light to you all

 

We are stardust, we are golden

“So great a sweetness flows into my breast

We must laugh and we must sing

We are blest by everything

Everything we look upon is blest.”

W.B. Yeats

A friend of mine described how she lay at night whilst challenges of motherhood floated around her and she felt the saint within her. I considered this and found it a very useful idea in viewing myself as a mother and how to be with my family. Over the last few weeks I have remembered to consider my saintly essence, the one that yes we all certainly have! No matter how many regrets, frustrations, and dreams of doing something completely different we may have in one day!

For me, the saint is my higher self; the part of you that is all knowing and has the perfect knowledge to guide you on your way on. The wise woman who is the past, present and future,  triple goddess: maiden, mother and crone. The part of us that has come from our mothers, grandmothers and ancestral women through time and holds universal truths.

So where is this saint? We may think as we bend down to pick up another piece of food that our child has dropped on the floor, not perhaps feeling very glamorous or indeed saintly. I think the answer is that it is with us in every moment. It is our awareness. It is not there cleaning the house immaculately, it is in the moment we lovingly fold our children's clothes; it does not prepare a perfect meal, it is in the moment we lovingly offer the meals we prepare, it does not always prepare a busy, fun packed day, it is in the moment that we look into their eyes and theirs meet yours and all you feel is love. And in all other moments of pure joy.

Sometimes the saint in our children welcomes the saint in us too. As my baby wakes for the third time in the last half hour and I go to her to settle her to sleep, I realise I am biting my nails thinking about all the things that I am going to do when I go downstairs that night. She takes my hand and holds it. In the soft tenderness of her gentle grasp, I remember that these moments are the most beautiful ones: lying with her in her presence as we are bonded with the closeness, the milk and the warmth I offer her, the reminder she gives me that the truth is love.
 

 

Sometimes the saint in us guides us to do nothing, but show compassion. Our children are whole people who experience a roller coaster of emotions, as we all do and sometimes their behaviours are irrational and unpredictable and we find them hard to witness. We don't always have to react. I am finding that sometimes what feels like the best mothering is simply being there with love and compassion; listening, holding, watching, preparing a sort of aura of love for them to wreak chaos within and yet always be protected.

Sometimes the saint in us just listens... listens to constant demands, upset, without getting pulled into other people's emotions. It thinks, what is needed here? Most of the time, I have found that when my child is out of sorts they just need to be shown some love, some time, be played with. It reminds us of what is truly important. Those simple moments with our children can really feed their soul.

So, rather than feel like there should be this or that which we should be doing, I have come to the conclusion that if we feel out of balance as parents, bringing our awareness into the situation is what is needed. And, more than anything, it helps to remember what we have done that day that we feel good about. For what we think about manifests, so more goodness will the follow. And know that the saint within us will always guide us on our way.

I thank your wisdom friends as we journey together through the beautiful path of motherhood.

We were all forged in the living heart of stars and the light reigns within us. We are stardust. We are golden.