The Warrior Within
I have had many conversations with parents whose children are expressing behaviours that are warrior like. I wanted to share ideas from reading around the topic, talking with other parents and my own experiences. I would love to hear your ideas and view points too- please feel free to comment!
Guns and swords
When my son first started talking about weapons, despite being brought up in a peaceful loving home without exposure to television or computers, I was concerned. However, having read and thought about the issue, and observed various behaviours of different children, I have come to a very different conclusion.
Parenting with awareness and holding awareness of the moment.
Five and six year olds are still very young and if they explore their warrior side then they need a loving anchor to come back to. By letting our children express their warrior sides in a non-judgemental way, we are enabling them to experience the freedom and wholeness of who they truly are. Being authentic is what a lot of adults spend their whole lives trying to be. We all have a shadow side: we all feel angry, frustrated. We need the drama to have authentic feelings. The little rebellions and refusals are part of children finding their freedom, finding themselves.
If we can hold the space with love and positive intention then we can create a safe place for our children to experiment with their emotions in a safe place. We can model sharing, politeness and good manners.
Providing guidance and boundaries
Only play shoot players- This means that the children have to interact and form a relationship if they are playing with one another and it also means that children will be aware of other peoples wishes. With sword/ stick play there is physical interaction via the stick, so children will learn to negotiate, express their feelings and listen to how others feel regarding stick play.
So, how can we help our children and ourselves as parents with our little warriors
Structure
Providing rhythm, repetition and a mixture of structured activities- such as crafts, baking, painting, wood work- and unstructured play can help children to feel balanced emotionally. Having a quiet/ rest time can be helpful. An afternoon sleep can be beneficial even for five year olds, but if this is not possible then a time in the day when your child knows it is a quiet time can be helpful. This can be matched with plenty of time outside, interacting with the natural world as much as possible.
Physical activity
Children under 7 are in the most physically active time of their life. They need to move around using all their senses, being in their whole body. Having plenty of opportunity for children to be active is important.
Learning physical skills such as supervised woodwork, fire making and foraging can feed the warrior side and ensure plenty of physical activity.
Yoga
As I am sure you all know, yoga can reduce tantrums, help sleep, improve digestion, raise self esteem, aid listening skills and self expression. We have a yoga time in the mornings and sometimes my son joins in, flicks through our childrens' yoga book and copies poses, sometimes he and his baby sister crawl all over me as I do yoga or just make a den in the corner of the room, but the space that is created at yoga time is there and is often used as this.
The warrior pose is a favourite. The pose is strong and focused, but of course not violent in any way. Some poses are particularly good for developing patience, creating calmness and assisting emotional balance.
Meditation
Unlike adults, children live in the present moment very well. However, I have found that bringing children's awareness to a certain experience can be nourishing. Watching a frog's movements, sitting with a flower and imagining what it is like for that flower, tree hugging, working with angel cards and crystals are all things that children may enjoy doing and bring a sense of peace into their days.
We sometimes play a children's nature meditation CD where they go on a magical journey under water, in a rainbow or in a hot air balloon trip, again this just guides them to a peaceful safe place.
Stories
Stories are a powerful and important part of young children's lives. If we can be our children's personal story teller , we can transport them to magical places and yet help them develop awareness of various understandings specific to them. A young child may find it difficult to empathise with their younger sibling or any other child when they have hurt them , but they seem to be able to understand social situations in stories very clearly, especially when there is an injustice and a villain and a hero.
'The Children Of The Forest' Elsa Beskow, is a wonderful story and has a clear message about playing with make shift weapons too.
'Young Lancelot' by Robert San Souci is a good story to read with boys who are using weapons and destruction in their play. You don't need to elaborate, there is a very clear message the children will learn in a magical way.
After reading 'Young Lancelot' we worked with a St. George and the dragon story. At the end of the story we had a little ceremony. My son and I had dyed white silk with home-grown marigolds and onions and created a cape for him. My husband made a sword with a crystal embedded and we presented the cloak and sword to him and knighted him saying ' May you have a kind heart that will honour and protect' .
Reading to children stories of worthy heroes and having faith in the innate goodness of humans and surrounding them with truth and goodness will nourish them while they explore other aspects of their soul.
Their play is their own story
A friend reminded me recently that there is a innocence to children's play that adults do not always see. When children are banging stick guns at one another, we are witness to this though adults eyes and ears. We have an understanding of the danger of weapons and an awareness of the damage they have done. Children rarely hurt one another when playing they are just storytelling, playing out what's inside them and needs to be expressed.
